growing up, i felt like an outsider. i wanted to feel like i belonged. and so through achievement, i found that i could feel validation, love, acceptance.
it's incredible and positive up to a point. but you can always do more. and eventually it can become a one-dimensional addiction. you chase the next thing, the next milestone, the next hit of external validation—and somewhere along the way, you lose yourself.
loneliness is a crisis of disconnection
at the most fundamental level, loneliness starts with disconnection from yourself.
the reason why people get disconnected from themselves is because they are disconnected from solitude. being comfortable with being alone is important. once you spend enough time alone, you start developing comfort with yourself.
if you're able to explore and take an expedition into the darkest parts of yourself—explore the inner-sky of self, and extrapolate all of your feelings, messages, emotions, the things you like, the things you don't like…
…now if you sit across from another human, you start to see their complexities and simplicities as well.
the challenge is most people don't look at their own darkness and complexities. they avoid it. they distract themselves. they stay busy.
the cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek.
being challenged to sit with that monster—the discomfort of what you look and feel like—is where the growth happens.
steve jobs actually told mark zuckerberg to go live in some village in india. and that's where zuckerberg realized that facebook is all about connection. sometimes you need to disconnect to understand what connection really means.
there's a huge distinction between loneliness and being alone
being ambitious intuitively requires enough time alone. solitude is where ideas form, where clarity emerges, where you do your deepest work.
but that doesn't mean you should be lonely.
lonely leaders are probably not the best leaders. when you're lonely, you're probably less empathetic. your sense of vigilance is up. you don't have people to bounce ideas off of. when there's a challenge, it can feel like you're fighting it alone.
fighting the temptation of constant isolation and staying connected is super important to develop clarity and to do your best work.
the confusion of success
the most confused people i've met are often the most powerful people i've met.
because sometimes the power and success becomes confusing. you had a purpose, but then you have all these demands. appeasing people. managing expectations. playing roles you never signed up for.
what is success for if you have no one to share it with?
it's easy to go from a clear vision to getting confused, getting lost in the jungle. the external noise drowns out the internal compass.
finding your way back home is key. back to yourself. back to the people who matter. back to why you started in the first place.
loneliness isn't about being physically alone. it's about being disconnected—from yourself, from others, from your purpose. and the only way out is through. sit with it. explore it. and then reconnect.